just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
