You really coming over, don't trick.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
