He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
