Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
