just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.