I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK