You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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