He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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