This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize