I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
