Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
