so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
