So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
