Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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