I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
