hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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