i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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