I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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