I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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