he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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