i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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