I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
