I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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