Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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