no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
