All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I believe in your delicious
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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