I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
