dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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