wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
