OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
