Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
