I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
