those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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