i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
