i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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