I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
