If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
