I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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