You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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