Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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