We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
