I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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