What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's blow job season.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.