he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?