In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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