dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.