I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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