Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
