Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
