I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
