He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
