I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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