he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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