i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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