He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
