Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
