I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
