people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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