im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
