She went from zero to smokin in five shots
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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