i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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