Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
