If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
