i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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