she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
