Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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