My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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