I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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