I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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