just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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