You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
