well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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