I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
