I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
