in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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