I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
