Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there's paper in my vomit.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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