You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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