you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
