You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
