I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Someone signed my nipple.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
