He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
