bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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