why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My vagina is very pro this idea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
