I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I want her autograph on my taint
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
