He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
